Never Really Began
by Fairady
Summary: Welcome to puberty, hoped you enjoyed your life while you had it.


Disclaimer: I don't own. I think it's somewhere between Fox and Marvel as far as ownership goes.

Warnings: Not much.

Notes: Experimental. Wondered how Rogue internalized it all. It's sort of like having MPD with the dominate personality shifting to accommodate it all. And I do believe that while the personalities fade with time, the memories stay and effect her. Also, that her mutation was active for a while, just slower and it didn't take as much away from people.

Never Really Began  
by Fairady

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Marie really liked Cody's smile.

It was small and boyish, perfectly complimented with the cutest dimples she'd ever seen. Jackie called it a hunky dream-boat smile, and everyone else agreed with her. Marie thought that was overdoing it though. Sure, if Cody smiled her way her stomach would flip a little, but it wasn't the type of smile that would shake her world to the core or anything.

So, she just called it plain cute and suffered through her friends' protests that it was more.

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Marie had a habit of dragging her feet.

She never noticed it, but Mama would always yell at her for it. Usually after Marie had been doing it long enough to build up a static charge and accidentally shocked her with a touch. Papa thought it was funny though and always made jokes about rubbing her down with a dryer sheet twice a day.

Trying to consciously be aware of picking her feet up was tiring though, and Marie just got in the habit of not touching anyone she didn't want to shock.

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Marie _hated_ Sundays.

Sundays were spent at church in the whitest, most unflattering dress she had. The lace around the neck itched horribly but she couldn't even adjust it or Mama would hiss at her to stop. It meant she had to smile her prettiest --and fakest-- smile while Mama and Papa went from friend to friend. A pinch from Mama to make her straighten up, and a ilook/i from Papa that forbade her from talking too much. Why they had to do it every week mystified Marie. Mama hated half the people there, and Papa never really listened to what anyone else said.

The older she got though, the less they lingered after services. Mama complained of feeling exhausted, and Marie would have to help lead her out to the car.

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Marie thought Cody was pretty cute.

He started hanging out in the hallway near her locker more often, and always seemed to be going in the direction of her class. Even if, as Jackie had once whispered, his own class was in the opposite direction. It was cute, just like his smile.

She started giving him her own cute, and slightly crooked, smile back.

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Marie knew her Mama was cheating.

Bill Dyer lived down the street and managed a gas station out on Main. Marie had never seen her Mama talk to or even so much as look at him, but she knew she did. She _knew_ it. Maybe it was something Bill had said last time Marie had gotten gas. She talked to him then, she just couldn't remember what they'd said. Or maybe it was the way Mama looked at the clock and suggested Marie go to a friend's when school let out early.

She didn't know how she knew it. All she knew was that for a month she couldn't really talk to her Mama, and her friends were getting tired of hearing about it. Jackie told her to forget about it, and to hope her Papa never found out.

Marie never got gas from the place on Main again.

-

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Marie decided Cody was a bit dream-boatish.

Just a bit though. He really knew how to plan a date to make a girl's head spin. He had to have grilled everyone Marie knew just to find out what she liked, because the night had gone perfectly.

Or maybe that was the lightheadedness from his kiss talking.

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Marie kind of hated Jackie.

They'd known each other most of their life. They'd grown up together, gone to the same summer camps, shared crushes on cute boys, and giggled their way through hundreds of sleep overs. They told each other their secrets and were the best of friends.

Well, they had been. Jackie hadn't been such a good friend lately. Not since her parents had the divorce. Messy thing, Marie's Mama had once said in pity, and poor Jackylyn caught up in the middle.

She hadn't liked the distance between them, but Marie had respected it. It couldn't be easy. Jackie spent half her time with her Dad and the other with her Mom. Neither of them had anything good to say about the other. Marie knew it tore Jackie up inside, the way they'd bad mouth the other right in front of her. It made Jackie depressed, turned her mind to darker things.

Marie kinda hates Jackie because she knows Jackie completely loathes Marie for having a better life than she does. It's something that becomes clearer and clearer everyday as Jackie's smiles turn to smirks and her teasing becomes harsher.

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Marie knew her parents hated Cody.

They never said anything to her about it though. They weren't even rude to Cody the few times he'd been by the house. It was just something that she _knew_. Something picked up from their face or their voice that she could only read because they were her parents.

Cody wasn't from a good family. His Ma was a well-known alcoholic, and his Da was reputed to have a roving eye. They lived on the other end of town. The side that Marie's Mama had forbidden her from ever stepping foot near. They didn't see anything good in Cody at all, and _hated_ the fact that he was Marie's friend.

Papa would watch them from the den room when they studied for school. Mama would always bring out food and drink when they stayed on the porch. Cody wasn't allowed in her room.

She wondered how they'd feel if they knew that Marie had already been to Cody's room, and they'd done a bit more than studying there.

-

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Marie didn't know what was happening.

She cried and retched until nothing came up as the ambulance left. Cody's face obscured by an oxygen mask even as the paramedics worked frantically. Marie was left with her parents and the police. Questions flew around her but she couldn't hear them over the voice in her own head.

It was Cody, loud as anything in her head and even more confused than Marie. Except it really wasn't Cody, it was Marie. She was just also Cody now. But she wasn't him either, and it confused her so badly.

Marie sobbed, barley hearing the apologies tumbling from her mouth. Her's, Cody's. She scrambled away from each hand that tried to touch her, blanket wrapped securely around her. It was Cody's memory that made Marie retch. The absolutely indescribable pain as he was- was-

Marie didn't know what she'd done, but it hurt! It hurt so much! And now she had Cody in her head with her. So much closer than he ever should've been.

One of the cops pulls back, hand trying to cover up the squawking of his radio. It echoes loudly in the suddenly quiet room.

She closed her eyes and kept saying how sorry she was.

-

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Marie wanted to hate Cody.

Cody thought Marie was cute as a button.

She was smart, funny, and the cutest girl he'd ever seen in his life. Being with Marie was something new for him. All he'd ever wanted to do was hold her tight and never let her go. Cody would have done anything to protect her.

He couldn't do anything to save her from himself. Especially not when he was nothing more than a voice and set of memories inside of her head. He couldn't do anything to stop her Mama from screaming at her. Face red and eyes wide with fear. He couldn't stop her Papa from looking at her. Eyes cold and face completely blank, as if he were staring at a stranger.

She wanted to hate him for not being there to help her, but she couldn't. Not when she knew how badly it was tearing him --her-- up not to be able to do it.

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Marie didn't know who Danny was.

Cody did though, and she was climbing up the drainpipe that was next to Danny's room before she knew it. It was close to midnight and Marie hesitated. Cody wanted to knock on the window until Danny rolled out of bed. Blond hair a shaggy mess and his worn boxers threatening to fall off his bony hips. Danny was a smart guy. He'd be able to figure out what was going on with them. It was as weird as any of his conspiracy theories so he was bound to love it.

Marie found that she knew a lot more about Danny than she should. She knew his family, his favorite cereal, his pet theories, his unique way of kissing.

_It wasn't cheating though_, and Marie honestly couldn't tell who was speaking, _they'd stopped before Marie came into the picture_.

She carefully slid down the pipe and ran away.

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Marie couldn't handle it.

She heard her parents downstairs, they weren't even trying to keep quiet. Everything was out in the open now, and they threw the blame around. It wasn't Mama's fault, it wasn't Papa's fault. They go back and forth but all Marie can hear was that they didn't want her no more.

Marie started to cry, and Cody- Cody couldn't hold her anymore, but he wouldn't stand for this crap. He decided it was time for Marie to take that little trip of hers.

Marie took down her map, Cody packed warm clothes. Marie stuffed all of her savings into her wallet, Cody snuck down the hall to the closet where Marie's Mama kept a hidden stash of cash. Marie decided to leave the car, and Cody took them to the bus depot.

She bought a ticket to the first bus leaving and settled into a seat in the back. Her head was starting to hurt. The pressure of thinking as Marie and Cody was building up again, both overlapping so much that she couldn't tell which was which.

Unsure of what to do, Marie and Cody fell asleep.

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Rogue woke up.

The headache was gone and she wasn't going to question it. There was only one voice in her head now, one set of (squished) memories. It didn't matter that she could put two different genders to some thoughts. There were plenty of other things for her to worry about.

Rogue leaned against the window and watched the world fly by.

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End file.
